540 dagen
hoe ik in 4 jaar uit een depressie kwam
540 dagen
Five hundred and forty
540 days of fear
540 days I nearly tried
To end my life
But I wanted to stay his wife
I wanted to stay
The mother I was
I wanted to stay because
New live was on its way
For them I decided to stay
Live life every day
But life was a struggle
For so many days
I searched for an answer
In so many ways
But there was no solution
It was in my head
And everything a heard
Was so fearful and sad
Every day I woke up
With fear in my eyes
I couldn’t lie down
There were to many lies
Voices were going
Around in my head
And it felt so heavy
So lonely and bad
I talked with Al every day
But there was nothing to bloom
I couldn’t find a flower
I listened to my loved ones
They helped me, they tried
And I felt so lonely and cried
Hopeless feelings in my body
Please I need somebody
I tried to meditate
And waited, and waited
But there was nothing
No silence in my head
My body was full of nerves
And the only thing I heard
Was let your yourself go
But my head said no
I listened to the music
But it died in my ears
There were too many fears
And images in my head
I tried to put them away
But they decided to stay
I wrote about it in a song
They were to strong
I wrote songs to tell about
All my thoughts and feelings
I asked a man called Gio
To write music to my lyrics
It took sometime but he fixed it
Go with someone to the beach
And leave your troubles behind
Marcha sings it so nice and kind
Twice a week I went to school
Vitamin K de psychiatrist said
The children made me laugh again
They took the pain away
It was good to be there
It was better than anywhere
I loved to go but on the way home
The demons didn’t let me alone
I tried to be calm
But the sounds in me
Were like an alarm
It didn’t stop for a minute
And I always stayed in it
I couldn’t get it out
It was too loud
Like a big sound
I went to Ellen a coach
She did it in an holistic way
For her consults I had to pay
School helped me so I could stay
She listened and talked
And sometimes we walked
We sat in the garden in the sun
I felt so good and we had fun
But I had to take medication
And that wasn’t the holistic way
I had to make a choice
And I went to the psychiatrist
Again I had to choose from a list
From hundreds of antidepressants
More than zeven I tried to take
But they didn’t make me better
Every day I did my yoga
Lay on the floor like a sphinx
But there were so many things
That I didn’t understand
My head couldn’t get to it
I didn’t feel good or fit
I needed a hand
So I good stand
I tried to be mindful
I did a course to learn
Nothing helped in my case
You good see it on my face
Mindfoolishness my husband said
I carried on despite my sorrow
Why is there no tomorrow
Where is the Sun?
I did a weekend 365
Everybody was very alive
We clapped and listened
To the music unplugged
We shouted and hugged
Like never before
It was a experience
I will never forget
Anxious in the morning
Sad in the afternoon
Lonely in the evening
And nothing to bloom
Than I tried the Miracle road
Were they help you with your load
They gave me a map
I tried hard to unwrap
Again I had to walk and talk
Four months to go and learn
But I was scared very often
And didn’t get strong
I went to the hospital
For an cognitive course
But my drama therapist
Didn’t like my voice
He said I can’t help you
I still had 11 times to go
Three mounts to struggle trough
I knew that too
I had to go on but why?
So I did a course a Mindset try
Sessions with six women en men
I learned a lot from them
But there was nothing ahead
I never felt glad
I had no way to go
Had nothing to show
One day I didn’t know
Anything…..anymore
Were to go or what to do
Then Al took me to the Clinic
I didn’t know I was so sick
Therapy all day in every way
music, sports, drawing, clay
talking, drama and games
after two months…60 days
I wanted to go home
No more nights alone
Then I did the A.C.T.
Acceptance and Commitment therapy
Again 4 months to do things I hate
Just be mindful and meditate
Let your thoughts go as the clouds
Don’t chase them let it go
Then it was enough talking
and I started walking
Anxious in the morning
Sad in the afternoon
Lonely in the evening
And nothing to bloom
After 540 days
One day
The Sun came trough the clouds
And my head was no longer sad
I thought I did it alone
But that wasn’t true
I did it with You
I thank You, my All
And do it smart
With all my heart
Now I’ll do it slow
New ways to go
With our grandchildren
I like to glow ✨
I feel very grateful
And hopeful
And it is so
Fokkelien ☀️
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